I was scared to be well, to be happy, to be healthy. I could only identify with pain and suffering and I didn’t know who I’d be without it. I was afraid to change.
From the ages of 18 to 25 years chronic nerve pain spread throughout my body. I managed in the beginning thinking it would pass but became addicted to prescribed pain medication. By age 23 years I was overweight, depressed, suicidal and desperate for a way out.
After attempting to walk down a set of stairs and having no idea how to walk, I knew I was in trouble. I soon found out I had a congenital brain malformation which if left untreated would lead to me being paraplegic. Brain surgery was the answer.
The pain didn't go away after surgery and at this point I felt that being alive was the greatest curse of all time. I felt that I must have done something very wrong to deserve all this and had become a person who had nothing left to give to myself or the people around me. That's when I contemplated suicide.
In the years preceding this, I was sexually abused as a child, bulimic, displayed obsessive compulsive behaviours and used drugs. It’s safe to say that the first 20+ years on earth were hell! I hated myself, my existence and being alive — to me it was all one cruel joke!
"After years of internal torture and finally finding the light within my soul, it was time for me to get out and share the miracles that take place when you reach inside yourself and give life to who you are."
But deep down I knew my time wasn't up. Something in me said “it ain't over yet” and urged me to fight for my life - for my happiness, freedom and inner peace. After seeking advice from a Professor of Neurology who helped me see that although I was dealt a shitty card, I had what it took to overcome chronic pain — and it began in the mind. He suggested to train like an olympic athlete would for their gold medal, only my gold medal was happiness, freedom and inner peace.
I walked out of there and immediately chose to shift my focus. I had nothing to lose and hopefully, something to gain. I made a promise to myself that I would commit to 12 months of a new regime - a complete mental overhaul, a radical change in day-to-day actions and behaviour to get my gold medal.
Every damn day I woke up and went against old habits. Instead of taking medication, I meditated, visualising my happy, free and peaceful life. The incredible emotions felt during the meditation urged me to ask the question, “what can I do today that will bring me closer to this gold medal?” An inner voice that I’d never paid attention to responded, “move your body”. So for the next 12 months I meditated, asked the question and enacted the answer, every damn day!
Little did I know I was retraining my brain and rewiring it for natural success. Within 10 months that gold medal was mine! I was happy, free from pain and had peace inside my soul. The transformation I felt personally and saw in others around me was magnificent and it set me on the path of deep healing, personal transformation and opened the door to working intimately with the power of the mind.
That moment to make the shift left me with the overwhelming knowing that there is a power within us all to change our lives, no matter how grim it seems. And it got me thinking, what other gold medals do I want to go for?
My shit life was the catalyst to wake up the power within, leading to a burning desire to help others unleash their power too as I have no doubt in my heart that we all have the ability to reach and grab our gold medal, whatever that may be.